An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

15707124Title: An Abundance of Katherines
Author: John Green
Pages: 215
Year: 2006
Publisher: Speak (Penguin)
Time taken to read: 1 week
Rating: 2/5

Goodreads synopsis: When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun – but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship, avenge Dumpees everywhere, and finally win him the girl.

People always ask me why I read John Green books when I know I hate John Green. First of all, I just want to say that I would physically fight John Green if given the opportunity, and also I would win. I read his books because they are probably the most popular YA books ever, and if I want to back up my intense hatred for John Green, I have to read the books so I can participate in conversation about them and tear John Green down with textual evidence. I will probably also reread the ones I’ve already read just so I can review them here.

An Abundance of Katherines is probably the worst John Green book I’ve read so far. I kind of got the feeling that John Green fancies himself as a sort of prodigy like his main character Colin, and it’s just very obnoxious. Colin is whiny and annoying and show-offy, but at least he kind of admits that I guess. At least he doesn’t act like he doesn’t want to be famous, I’ll give him that. His whole thing with the Theorem makes no sense to me. The copy of the book I read had an explanation for the math in the back, but I didn’t read it because there’s no f*cking equation that can say anything about the outcome of a relationship. That’s just stupid, and if Colin was suck a f*cking genius he should have known it was a dumb idea from the start. And Colin says such typical guy crap, like, “Ooh, I’m so special and different and better than other guys because I like girls without makeup.” Seriously, no one cares. I don’t know what else to say because I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Or how ’bout the line,”She was incredibly hot–in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favorite way of being hot.” Like, come on. It’s 2016. Besides the fact that I’m personally offended as someone who’s suffered from anorexia, NO ONE CARES IF YOU DON’T LIKE UNIQUE-LOOKING GIRLS. You’re not special. You’re not doing anyone a favor. You’re just obnoxious.

I thought Hassan was rather funny, but he was the only almost-decent character. Yet, I felt like John Green used him as the token diverse character and the typical chubby sidekick, which was just lazy and disgusting. Lindsey was boring, and it was so obvious that she and Colin were going to get together. I was over it before it even started. And all John Green’s characters are the same. I feel like there should be a gameshow where someone reads a quote from a John Green character and you have to guess which one it is, because seriously, all the things Lindsey said could have been said by any of John Green’s other female characters, and all the things Colin said could have been said by any of his other protagonists. They’re just copies of each other with different random quirks.

In summary, John Green should find a new career.

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